Sending your child out into the world, let alone to another country can seem like a big risk. Yet, it can be one of the most beneficial things you can do. It is an opportunity for growth both for your child and you. They get to experience another culture, and you get practice letting go of them, as well as to hear about this other experience from them. Many schools have programs where children can go in a group for a few weeks to another country through their language program. This might happen during the year or over the summer break. Then your child gets to stay in the home of a partner and this is a great way to be introduced to the culture. In Europe it is quite common for students to do exchanges and we also have some programs here that arrange for this. There is the German American Partnership Program which has students go in a group to Germany. There is also the CIEE study abroad program which is sponsored by Congress and the Bundestag. Fortunately for us, our daughter attends a Waldorf School and that is a part of their program too. Her school system is heavily influenced by a European curriculum because of course, it was founded in Germany. Her ability to go on an exchange was one of the main reasons we wanted this Waldorf school. We see this program as a jewel in an already wonderful program. Many of the parents who send their children to this school feel the same way. They think the travel opportunities are wonderful ways for their child to grow more independent.
Milena was still 16 when she left for her exchange trip to Vienna, Austria. Her school has been supporting an exchange program to predominantly German and Spanish speaking countries since the 1990s. In their freshman year, students can check a board that has letters posted from students in several countries. In the past they have had students have exchanges with students in Columbia, Chile, Peru, Brazil, Austria, Switzerland, Germany, Kyrgyzstan, and France. They have also had international students living with families all year from these countries and others. In her tenth grade year 3 students were enrolled from China. The German teacher in charge of the program suggested that when they choose a place to go they base it on the relationship to the person, not the place where they live since they will spend a lot of time together. It is important that they get along. Once they find a letter of a person that seems interesting to them, they spend a year or two corresponding with the person. They generally text, and Facetime. They are able to choose any country that has a Waldorf school with a language that they are learning in school or that they already know.
My daughter was somewhat late to the game. Most of her friends already had partners when she decided to go. Two of her friends were partnered with twins and would be going together to Hamburg, Germany. Over time, some friends dropped their pen pals and decided not to go on exchange, feeling that the relationship was perhaps not quite right. This is right around when my daughter decided she would go. She found a girl in Vienna, a city she already knew because the mother of a good friend of hers comes from Vienna. We had visited them there a couple of times. At some point my daughter’s partner Melinda, told her she had found another partner in another state in the US and passed my daughter on to a classmate. I could tell right away that she and this new partner Alida clicked. It was not that she had not gotten along well with the first partner, but they just did not contact each other as often. Alida just made more of an effort. Typically students go anytime in their sophomore year or the fall of junior year. Because of the pandemic, her school got more flexible and said, really any time could work in the junior year. Typically students go for 3-4 months. Since children in other countries have school at different times from us, some children go in the summer, and miss less of the program at home. In order for teachers to sign off on one being on exchange, a student has to be in good standing and agree to keep up with or make up any math that they might miss because math is a subject where the content does not always overlap.
Once it was decided that the relationship worked, my daughter had to officially apply for the program by filling out all sorts of information into forms about her living expectations, as did her dad and I. They wanted to know things like whether she was willing to share a room, how many chores we expected the person living with us to do, whether or not foods or pets are a problem with allergies, how we get to school, what our house rules were and things of that sort. We were expected to take care of Alida, provide her with a bus pass if needed, and a way to phone their parents. Basically we included her into our family, but each family sends their own child with spending money.
Alida came from Vienna and lived with us this past fall and she was wonderful. She became a part of our family in the four months that she stayed with us. She was not able to get a visa in time to join the class on their getting to know you camping trip in late August, but still came at the beginning of September which was a few days before school started. She had some time to acclimate to the time change and get to know several of the children in the class. It was hot and they would go meet at the beach and hang out. What is so nice is that classes absorb the exchange students, and they become a part of the class. Everyone befriends them. They are included in group chats and so everyone in the class, even if they do not go on exchange, expands their circle of friends. Alida also had holiday celebrations together with our family. We celebrated my nephew’s birthday at our house with a barbeque in our backyard. She also got to experience the truly American holiday of Thanksgiving, not once, but twice. One of the girls in their class invited the whole class over on that weekend, and everyone contributed something and they had what they called “Friendsgiving.” Alida celebrated her seventeenth birthday in the fall with us, inviting the class out to the lakefront to roast marshmallows, and then they ate at a restaurant when it got cold. Later some came back to our house to watch movies and a few even stayed overnight. While Alida was here another classmate had her exchange partner from Germany too. In the Spring there were exchange students from Germany. All are people who have expanded their class’s exposure to the world.
In January Milena flew from Chicago directly to Vienna. Our daughter had never been away from us for more than 2 weeks before. Previous plans for longer trips had been canceled because of the pandemic. Milena had been to visit Alida in Vienna the previous summer for a week while we were in Germany. Alida’s mom told me that they seemed to get along well. They are both easy going and friendly girls, and they have similar interests. That short visit also gave Milena practice flying on her own that she was supposed to get two summer ago, but then the pandemic canceled all her plans. She even managed the difficult transfer of planes in Frankfurt airport where she had 45 minutes between planes. There were some anxious minutes when her plane landed and then sat for at least 20 minutes and did not let anyone off while they unloaded the carry-on baggage first. Then, she had to race across that section of the airport to her gate. Fortunately she got on her connecting flight to Vienna 10 minutes before it took off. Her father and I were sitting in Bremen, Germany having lunch on the Veranda at a restaurant in the city forest. I was waiting for the text that she had caught her connecting flight. It was a relief to get it. It is ironic that it is simpler to get to Vienna from Chicago than from Bremen, Germany.
Milena also turned seventeen while she was in Vienna. When we talked to her on her birthday she asked if she could stay longer. Fortunately, because Waldorf is Waldorf, with similarities in the curriculum that allow for these exchanges to provide a lot of continuity, it was fine with her school for her to extend her exchange. So, she was able to go with her Waldorf school to Poland at the end of April to visit Auschwitz to tie in to their studies of the Holocaust. She had also studied it in eighth grade and gone to our local Jewish Museum, but this was a chance to walk with the survivors in the Walk of the Living on Holocaust Rememberance day at Auschwitz. A powerful experience that is not always available. It knew it would be an important learning experience. The kind that Steiner would have wanted her to have. He was very big on experiential learning. Also, many children would be going from Austria at this time. So, she planned to stay for a little over four months instead of the original three.
Living in another country is a valuable experience because it helps your child understand another culture of people and how they live. Living away from your parents does a lot for self esteem. I can tell our daughter has grown more confident. Of course she is staying with a wonderful family. They allow her a lot of independence. She gets home from school and travels around the city on her own. Even at night. She is learning another city and another way to live. She is developing new friends in this class. Also, there is a different school culture than in her Waldorf school here in the USA, although they have some similarities there is a different flavor to it. In Vienna she has instruction in German, English and Spanish. She is also sitting in on her partner’s Russian class. The Spanish class went to a movie about Cuba made by an Austrian filmmaker and a theater performance as well. Both on a school night. Her school in Vienna is more casual. If a teacher is ill, class is canceled. That does not happen in the USA. Every minute here someone has to supervise students because we are a litigious society and the school would not be insured if they did not supervise the students. In Vienna there just seems to be more trust in general. My daughter also observed that there is more trust of police based on what students said in political discussions that they have had in class.
She spent January doing a practicum in a Waldorf School for children with disabilities that is on the other side of the park from her school. She assisted in a fourth grade classroom. She really liked the experience and learned a lot from the children. Schools in Vienna typically have a class ski trip in the winter. That was a first for her. She thought it was a lot of fun. The social life that she was missing in the US during the pandemic is in full swing in Vienna. Also, there is no college stress in the junior year. They just don’t think about it. They will have to take the tests for the Matura (college entrance exams) at the end and study for them in 13th grade, and someone did come to talk to them about it, but there is no joining clubs, or taking SATs or ACTs, or practice tests. The tests in Vienna are done in pen. My daughter told me it is so that teachers cannot cheat and change someone’s answers because they favor them. She was shocked to have to do a math test in pen, but adjusted. She is extremely comfortable in math in any country. She has also been supporting the two girls from the Ukraine that are attending her school since she is the best English speaker in the class and they are not really speaking German that much yet, but speak English really well.
Before Milena left I discussed safe sex and safe drinking practices with her, since these are things one should always do when you have a teenager going away who will not be under your control. I know that drinking is legal at 16 in Austria and Germany. So, teens go out and drink. She has also been bowling, out to play pool, to the movies, to a dance club, and there are a lot of bouldering places, because climbing is big in Vienna. One can get a climbing club membership and then go anywhere. One can even climb on the outside of the Haus des Meeres (The Aquarium), which is a very tall building and has a climbing structure on the outside. It is located in a nice children’s park, near the Mariahilferstrasse.
Since she was staying longer I went to visit her while she was in Vienna to bring her some things she needed that I could not mail, and to see her as a belated birthday visit. During my time in Vienna my daughter had to attend school on her own for a week because her partner had covid and was out sick. In fact, their class had had a constant stream of students who were out once the masking requirements were lifted. It was great to visit because I got to meet her lovely host family and see the school and attend two performances. It is surprising that the students were able to do such a nice job on their Eurythmy piece (Eurythmy is a uniquely Waldorf movement subject in which movement is put to words, sounds, music), which they performed once to record for the European Competition and once at the Family Festival, along with students from almost all of the other grades who presented things they had learned.
The rest of the time my daughter and I went out and did things. We went to the art museums, some restaurants, and also I cooked for her at the apartment I rented and we just hung out. Then she got on public transportation at night and went home. She was comfortable and knew how to get around. I noticed we were discussing books and art more, and she just seems more mature to me. Living away from family helps make this happen. I could picture what life could be like with her on her own. She is also living in a home where children are expected to be fairly independent, so that has been good for her too. She has to get along with three other children and two different adults than her parents. She has also met grandparents and cousins, aunts, and uncles. She has gone beyond taking her life for granted. She has learned that there are other ways to do things. Again, the confidence this inspires when you manage to learn in another language and another school system. This is something I have heard from the parents of other students who have gone on exchange. I highly recommend that if you can find a high school for your child that has an exchange program and you can afford it, or there is financing for it, that you help them to go. There are summer programs for those who cannot go during the school year. This is part of developing global literacy that we all need to have in the world we are living in today. A child who has gone to school in another country knows not only that things do not need to be one way, but has an idea of other ways that it could be. They see the world in a different way. It expands for them.
